I said the words to a trusted friend during this very trying time in which I find myself. A personally painful time. A seriously life-changing season. Yet I ask myself if I must wait until I have reached the other side of this trial to offer something?
I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Ps. 121:1-2 (NIV)
Is not the fact that I see the Lord's faithfulness now, in the midst of my suffering, of value? If I wail until I am "completely healed" from this wounded place, will I express the depth of its reality? The depth of His faithfulness to me? Isn't there something of worth to be gleaned at all times? Am I not still established in the Lord as he navigates me through this tempest?
When I reflect back upon these days I will see the hand of God more clearly. But the awesome peace of this living hope, the firmness of this trusting assurance, and the comfort of this faithful presence... all abiding within while I have yet to experience the outcome... well, these things must not be muted. His faithfulness must be heralded. Because my hope is built upon God's faithfulness, not mine. And he is as faithful today as he will be after this season's passing.
Personal peace amidst personal despair. Sounds like an oxymoron to me. But I'm okay with that. We can live in a brokenhearted world, among brokenhearted people while clinging to the one who calls us just as we are and came to heal our brokenheartedness.
My troubles are not greater than the one in whom I hope. If I have a living hope, then it must be lived in the present. Therein lies the tension: brokenness is the despair - his healing presence is the peace. I know that I can trust God with my brokenness. I know his grace and power are already healing me.
... Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. 2 Tim. 1:2 (NIV)