Aug 23, 2014
I have found that when the first and last
willful thoughts of my everyday are of and for God, that place we can all fight
throughout our lives of "spiritual dryness" is no longer the
issue.... rather my focus shifts from my thirst for intimacy with God to one of
desperately drinking at his well of worthiness. And I choose to worship there -
surrendering all I think and feel.
When I willfully choose to practice the habit
of taking everythIng to Christ- I find myself looking more at him than myself.
When I shift my eyes from my lack and needs, to God's goodness and grace, I am
not as concerned with the “status” of my spiritual life- wistfully remembering
times of sweet communion with my Lord- as I am concerned about bringing him
into all I live.
It is in sharing these thoughts that they feel
more real to me. It is in communion with his family that I increasingly feel I
belong to Christ. It's not about acting upon my feelings... it is about acting
upon my knowledge of who Jesus is and what he has done for me. Feelings are not
necessarily an evil within themselves... yet they are seldom consistent. But
Jesus is consistent. He is the place where I find and live my existence...
which is forever. I choose my forever to be at his feet because he has lifted
me up from so much pain, sin and anguish.
This all can seem so ethereal and vague... yet
I cannot wait for it to "seem" more real to me than my environment or
circumstances. I cannot afford to waste any moment I have been given on
trusting more in what I feel than what I know... I choose faith over fear, hope
over anguish, peace over chaos. Those are the bedrock choices upon which I can
best love my Creator, Savior and Master... Because he has loved me with an
everlasting love I cannot comprehend... but I believe, because of his grace and
mercy.
Maybe some day I'll understand more of his
powerful, fierce and holy love... but for now, it's enough to know him... to
say he is my "all in all" without quite fully grasping what that
means. He is so very trustworthy, that I see no alternative but to surrender my
will into his loving care. And I am thankful he invited me in... and continues
to pursue me every day.
I take the love I carry for family and friends-
the fears and worry for their well-being and mainly their eternities, and place
them in his expert hands. I take this urgency I feel for others to know and
accept him, and attempt to show them a fragment of his brand of love and
compassion.
I fail to do this well... But his mercies come
every morning anew and I carry on accepting his invitation to daily rely upon
his strength instead of my own poor reserves. The more I see Jesus and others
through his eyes, the more I realize how much I don't see, and how far I have
yet to go... but then... slowly... I begin to feel him more than I feel my lack
of seeing him. It's not about seeing him "well enough" or "often
enough," but just seeing him... in this moment... continually choosing
what he reveals.
This much I know... I am but a poor soul lifted
up into the glorious presence of the King... And when I feel it, it's like no
other experience in life... And when I don't... it's still the truest thing I
live.
“But when
you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray
to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward
you. ‘And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the
Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.’”
(Mt. 6:6-8, ESV)
…“Lord,
to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we
have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” (Jn. 6:68-69, ESV)
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